About someone whom I never felt such a strong feeling for, someone that allows the lil kid in me to dream about marriage, about the future, about forever.

As I type this, there's so so many things running thru my mind about someone. I know I promised myself not to mention him again but oh well.. I think this is bad. I can't decide whether I'm being sensitive, but I am cos you mean a lot to me. I don't know whether this is disappointment or not, you know how much I told myself to trust you, to believe you and to wait for your call? You know me, maybe not very well, but well enough I guess.. Why place me as last priority always? Behind your dream, behind your friends. If not your ex gf, I'm also a friend right?
All along I have been unsupportive of your dream, but recently, I saw your fight video, I saw your training photos, then I realised that look on your face, that smile on your face, that happiness plastered on is something I can never make happen. I wanted to tell you today that I don't know why but when I saw it, from the bottom of my heart, I support you. Probably I was too skeptical about it, probably I didn't believe your determination, or even you. But you know what? Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy too. For some reason, I can feel your happiness when you win, your heart put into it when you train and your love for it.
Every time we talk it's like butterflies in my stomach all over again and even after so long, it's like being nervous yet shy but comfortable with someone that feels so close to heart but distant physically. Every time we stop talking it's like this bout of sourish feeling, anticipation, hopefulness that forces me to look forward to the next time we talk. It's like uncertainty accompanied by trust that it won't be the last.
Whenever I realise other girls existance in your life, whenever I feel affected by little things you said, I'm like the jealous, sulky, insecure ex gf. I always miss you, when you had nothing to do everyday and always called me up for lunch after school, when you were always free for me.
I know this is stupid, I know this is unrealistic but I miss it when you were nothing but there we were. There we were happy together.